Welcome to Bartleby Jones EyeWhere! We all know—having paid good cash to Meta to seek out out—that you simply solely click on via on a median of 5 out of eight Instagram adverts, so we worth your consideration and promise to make your go to no less than as worthwhile as scrolling via these pics of your sorority sister’s Labraschnoodle or buying the industry-disrupting pizza oven, which is amassing mud in your kitchen. (We see it each time you boot up your Oculus.)

So, are you able to degree up your Spex Attraction™? Simply comply with these 4 straightforward steps, and also you’ll be rocking new glasses very quickly!*

*Owing to points with the availability chain and child-labor shortages, precise delivery time is now 5 to seventy enterprise days.

1. Select your frames! “Strive on” choices by downloading our patented A.R. Framr app (a Snapchat filter that we purchased from our babysitter, who’s majoring in pc science at WashU). When you’ve discovered a pair that offers you flashbacks to if you had been bullied in seventh grade, choose certainly one of our thrilling shade choices, corresponding to tortoiseshell, turtle-shell, or the previous emblem of the San Antonio Spurs (the one licensing deal we may afford).

2. Ask your mother for Dr. Herschbaum’s quantity. You bear in mind him—the final optometrist (ophthalmologist? otolaryngologist?) you noticed proper earlier than your driver’s check? Oh, you don’t stay in New Jersey anymore? Then put on one thing cute to the closest LensCrafters and persuade the man behind the counter to replace your prescription free of charge, as a particular favor, simply this as soon as. Then snap a pic of your ’scrip and textual content it to us, alongside together with your Social Safety quantity and blood kind.

3. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T FORGET TO SEND US YOUR PUPILLARY DISTANCE! No, that’s not part of the imaginative and prescient check—duh. It’s one thing separate and much more necessary. We have to know the way far aside your eyes are, O.Ok.? It’s tremendous easy to measure. Simply stick one finger on every eyeball, maintain your hand in that precise place as you decrease it onto a ruler, after which inform us what it says. 5 inches? Certain, that sounds about proper—if you happen to’re cosplaying as a nerdy hammerhead! Severely, it’s not that arduous. Strive once more. Two and a half inches? Certain, shut sufficient.

4. Able to pay? Simple peasy! As , all of our frames right here at Bartleby Jones EyeWhere are solely $99! Let’s simply take a fast have a look at some add-on choices, and then you definitely’ll be all set.

-Lenses (+$50**)

-Prescription lenses (+$99**)

-Correct prescription lenses (+$149**)

-Progressive lenses (+$149**)

-Reasonable lenses (+$49**)

-Democrat-in-name-only lenses (+$79**)

-Skinny lenses (+$199**)

-Extremely-thin lenses (+$249**)

-Wafer-thin lenses (+$399**)

-Scratch-resistant coating (+$199**)

-Coat-resistant filming (+$249**)

-Smudge-resistant scratching (+$199**)

-Anti-glare (+$399**)

-Anti-flair (+$299**)

-Anti-Cher (+$49**)

-Groucho Marx nostril, mustache, and eyebrows attachment ($99**)

-Delivery ($24, or free with 5 or extra pairs!)

-Dealing with ($48)

-Taxes (fifty-two per cent—sorry, our headquarters are within the Netherlands)

**Per eye.

Excellent news! If the full quantity due to your $99 frames is greater than $1,500, you possibly can pay in ten weekly installments, or you possibly can simply roll the fee into your month-to-month student-loan invoice.

Thanks for buying with Bartleby Jones!

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